Zomblogalypse

PARK ZOMBIE

Featured in:

Episode 2 - ‘BOREDOM'

Episode 6 - ‘CINEPOCALYPSE'

Episode 7 - ‘GROUND Z-RO'

Tom Francis Turner was born and raised on a small piece of chalk just off the south of England colloquially known as 'The Isle of Wight.' Growing up, Tom grew to hate the overbearing limitations of island life; people had become too comfortable, apathetic and this simply would not do for a boy with such grand ideas.

Tom's first escape attempt did not end well. In trying to hijack the car ferry, he tripped over a moped and fell overboard. Marooned on a buoy, it was 13 days before anybody noticed he was missing. His second attempt was doomed from the beginning; he had planned an elaborate escape involving handcuffs, a giant slingshot, hang-gliders and a parachute only to suffer severe whiplash when he jumped out of bed too quickly. Left psychotic and crippled, Tom did not try to escape again for many years.

In the end, Tom realised that there were only 2 ways to escape: Death or Fame. Thinking fame might be the more lucrative of the two options, Tom set about becoming a celebrity and, in his mind, the easiest way to do this was to become a musician. Unable to song or play the guitar, Tom had to develop a sound that could work around this... Tom's thrash-blues band 'SumWattAwful' were signed after just one gig. After several years on tour, Tom had grown to hate his music. With a sound akin to white noise amplified through a dying elephant, it was understandable as to why. His fans were lifeless and his life was loveless.

In one final attempt to incite frenzy amongst his supporters, Tom played one final, massive gig in York on the 29th August 2008. He upped the volume, upped the energy, threw in a bizarre cover of Dusty Springfield's 'Son of a Preacher Man' and set fire to the stage. With nothing but groans from the undead crowd, Tom undertook one last stage dive. The zombies in the mosh pit took this as their cue to yum his neck off, and Tom was last seen falling over in a park with a horde of other zombies and a madman with chicken drumsticks strapped to his legs. Not sure if he ever got up again. His head may have come off, which at least will provide an alternative to brains when it comes to football in the park.