Zomblogalypse

APARTMENT ZOMBIE

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Episode 2 - ‘BOREDOM'

Having been agoraphobic for most of his life, one might have thought that Simon, an unsuccessful 28 year old board game designer, would have been best suited to surviving the minor inconvenience of an apocalypse. In fact, had it not been for a rare foray into the wider world, Simon would have only really noticed something was odd when his bi-weekly Tesco shopping failed to show up at the cheap 8-9 am slot. Unfortunately, after years of avoiding any enforced help for his condition, Simon's family had set up an intervention. On said day, now known as "that" day by the remaining survivors who didn't really know what else to call it, his family and a lone school friend who hadn't seen him in almost 6 years - yet thought it might seem rude to turn down the invitation (few people have a total grasp of intervention etiquette) - crowded round him and proceeded to aggravate his condition further.

The only thing that could have made this moment worse for him would have been actual physical contact. As this was pretty much the unluckiest day of his life, Simon's sister, having been almost silent but for a moan here and there, bit him. This was that final straw that broke the camel's back and then some. Simon just ran, ran like a small child from a spinach monster. He was still running when he realised to his horror that he was outside. Ducking into the first available door he scurried in. catching a glimpse of yet further people he ducked into a toilet, sat, cried, peed, and fell asleep. The next few days turned out to be a bit odd for him. Building up courage for the dash to his house proved a little difficult due to periodic screams and gun shots. Not as you might expect, the most calming of sounds.

Over the same period, his motor skills and general IQ seemed to diminish until one day, he woke up with a hankering for brain ta ta and an inability to speak. There he stayed for two days (I believe that's about 3 years in Zombie time), until one night he heard music to his ears; food talking amongst themselves. For the first time in his life, Simon willingly left the confines of a familiar, but by this time fragrant, abode, to be met with, let's be honest, a pretty un-heroic death at the end of an inappropriately sharp knitting needle. There his body still kneels/sits in a seemingly painful position, as apparently the girl thinks he is gross and the guys point out that they didn't kill him so why should they clean him up.